The Case of the Missing Books

Checking a kindergartener out this afternoon, I stop him before he scans his book.

Me:  “The computer says you still have a book out.”
Him:  “Uh-huh.”
Me:  “Do you know where it is?”
Him:  “At my house.”
Me:  “Do you know where it is at your house?”
Him:  “On my toaster.”

I’ve been teaching them to keep books away from food and drink; I just didn’t think it was necessary to teach them to keep from treating books as food and drink.



Superhero School

Actual conversation today with a deadly serious kindergartener:

Student: Did you know I’m from another planet?

Me: [Struggling, but managing a straight face] Really?  Which one?

Student: It’s called Krypton.

Me: Well, be careful with those crayons.  You don’t want to break them.

I Am Too Absolutely Small for School

The beginning of school is always challenging when it comes to kindergarteners – both for them and for the teachers.

On the first day there are always a couple of small ones who end up in the wrong place, requiring several public address system announcements searching them out.  After the secretary announced that the last one had been found and the principal could return to the office from looking for her, one of my fourth graders suggested that “they put tracking devices on those kids.”

I begin picking up again after five-year-olds who are developmentally unable to follow more than one or two directions at a time, don’t have fantastic motor skills, and act like a herd of cats in a library that is much too big to supervise alone.


How did someone who never needed children of her own wind up picking up after them, dealing with runny noses, taking care of vomit, wiping tears, and handling lost teeth?

Finally, I have learned that just because the nearest restroom is right next door to the library it doesn’t mean kindergarteners won’t get lost on the way there or back.

The Grouchies

Day 302

Another trip to the kindergarten hallway reveals they have been reading The Grouchy Ladybug.  If you can translate the following kindergarten spelling, you will see it reads “I feel grouchy when I am at school.”  With three student days to go, kids who are already mentally on vacation, and final grades due tomorrow, I think it’s fair to say he’s not the only one.


Speaking from Among the Bones

Day 288

Kindergartener raises his hand.  I ask, “Yes, Miles?”  “I broke my leg,” he informs me.  “Oh really?” I ask.  “When was this?”  Perhaps he broke it in preschool.  Or over the summer.  “On the way to the library,” he replies.  “Hmm,” I say, observing his calm demeanor and the fact he just climbed three steps. “You’ll be fine.”

Later, I’m walking by another room when I hear a lot of noise, and catch a snatch of the teacher’s voice intoning, “Bones break very easily.”  What’s going on in there? I sense a theme today.

The Plot Chickens

Day 285

Kindergarten is involved in a chicken-hatching experiment.

This may explain an incident today.  When reading from the book Quick as a Cricket and showing the page with small apes swinging from trees, I read “Wild as a bunch of _____. ”  “It starts with a c-h . . .” I hinted, and got the response “CHICKENS!”

Above, the chicken man visits.  Below, one of today’s hatchlings (under heat lamp).

Start With a Happy Ending

Day 231

I’m reading Rainbow Fish to kindergarten today.  If you haven’t read it, it’s a rather simplistic and didactic story about sharing, but the kids love it, mainly because of the sparkly artwork.

Anyway, I get to the part in the middle where it says that all the other fish are ignoring Rainbow Fish because he won’t share his shiny scales.  “Rainbow Fish was the loneliest fish in the entire ocean.”  Suddenly a boy on the front row yells out “The End!”

Er….what kind of stories are you used to, kid?

Aliens Among Us

Day 222

Kindergarteners are to me the source of both high frustration and enormous amusement.  So it shouldn’t have surprised me the other day when one of their assistants was late returning the class’s books because they “were making aliens.”

Here they are.  Proudly displayed in the hallway where one can usually find interesting / amusing kindergarten work.  Each alien has a space for the student to write what he or she would do if they met an alien.



Translation:  I would take my alien to Firehouse Subs.  We would eat cheese.








Check out the spelling of museum!









Translation:  I will take him to the dentist.  We will get our teeth clean.

Gotta keep those alien teeth clean!